Wednesday, 15 January 2014

School earmarked for disruption during HS2 construction

It was announced today that mass disruption will be coming to our corner of Hampstead Cricklewood, as the SLT released a statement revealing they will go forward with plans with HS2 (Hampstead School 2). Despite the name, this is not the building of a new school, or a hipster nightclub, but a new railway line to be built. The opposition to this state that this will have no benefit but to serve the massive “Legacy” fetish everyone has post-London 2012. The SLT disagree, with Mr Szmethomasthetankengineandfriendskovski, now to be known as the Bubbly Curvy Controller, saying “This is all about offering students a way to get to school quicker, more easily, and quicker. It’s a quick and easy route for students to get to and from school.”

So, it’ll be quick and easy, says the Decapitated Head. But where does this new route go?

As you can see, this line stops at every place a Hampstead student could ever dream of needing to go, including The Shop to stock up on KA and Boost, Cricklewood (the exit has been earmarked for the bit where all the drunks lie down), convenient for Lunchtime dashes to Sam’s for a 2 for £2, and Kilburn, for school trips when you can’t be arsed to walk up and down Shoot Up Hill.

The opposition have said that this is a waste of time, effort and money. In response to this, the SLT are introducing an official “consultation period” for the opposition’s feelings to be noted on record before they are ignored, rather than ignoring them from the off as per the original plan.

The documents also show that, so construction can take place, we will see the knocking down of the Main, Science, DT, English and DTI Blocks, meaning that only Drama and PE lessons will go interrupted, so if you want to do any other subjects, you can go off to Woodhouse a few years earlier before everyone eventually does

DISCLAIMER: This Hampstead Trash article is a spoof, that uses crude humour to satirise the faults, flaw and misdoings of the school.

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