Monday, 28 April 2014

New Block Erected

Today came the news that the long-awaited New Building, that was set to begin construction in January of next year, has been finished today. Parts arrived this morning by bicycle and trailer (part of the school's 'On Yer Bike' initiative that was launched by REACTOR a few years back), and we're fabricated over the course of the day by one of our Leaders of Tomorrow.

The New Building, that has quickly accrued several nicknames, such as "The Outhouse", "The Log Cabin", "Not That DT Building" and "Kim Jong Kowski's Private Palace", boasts two hundred and forty new classrooms, two new toilets, five IT suites and a modest aquatics centre, as well as an ornamental chimney tower for astrology and astronomy (sometimes both simultaneously). The build cost only slightly more than the 100k spent on the last IT update and, as well as parquet flooring, has an efficiency rating equivalent to the Head's measurements. 

Despite Mr. Szhesellssanctuarykowski not being present this week, he left a (leaked) press release in his wake, which read "The New Building is a great edition to an already 'good' school, and we hope students will be able to use the masses of new space to their advantage, and to make this the sixth/seventh/wedon'tknow year trend of 63% elituracey". The New Building has made way for 5,000 new bins, for which the School Council stated: "It wasn't us!"

The New Building

This story is, we hoped you noticed, a spoof, and little of it is true. However, the true story about the New Building will be published soon.

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