An Inspector Calls (the University you want to go to)

The school is to be inspected by Camden Council this Monday and Tuesday due to the rapid fall in grades that has befallen 2014's results, the Trash has heard. 

According to a school source the inspection, that is due to take place in the early part of the week commencing the 15th, is a result of Hampstead falling in this year's league tables, coming 16th out of 19 schools in the local area.

However, this hasn't deterred the school management, it seems. Spotted in this week's Camden New Journal is an ad by the school, this time a lot smaller and with many of the already strenuous claims removed.

With all the subtlety of a 5-tonne boulder, the school ran with the headline "Results given thumbs up"; obviously the Head's idea of giving 'thumbs up' is to say that "This year’s results can’t be compared to any other year". What's also certain is that any thumbs up would be followed by "Yeah, they are crap". The school has unfortunately confused 'thumbs' with other bodily appendages, such as a 'heads up' for the local council, or even 'cock up'.

We would have thought that after the show of results and the school's slightly premature advert that landed on the same day, the school would have eaten their words, but it seems, in the case of this advert they have simply chewed them and spat them back out again. Frequent readers will notice that the text of the advert is almost identical to the adverts published last year, and all ads since, showing that the school can be about as imaginative as a Coldplay single.

The advert can be seen below, and Hampstead's Coldplay Tribute band, Wetplay, has their latest single Jello available on iTunes.

"The C11 will guide you home, Bunsen Burners ignite your bones, and I will try, to Fix A* to U's"