Boring Literature Club - Dead Poet's Society

Readers with eyes will have this week seen some luminous yellow posters put up around the school, inviting students to submit poems celebrating Hampstead's diversity (having both science and maths teachers). Of course, there's no prize, apart from the knowledge that you were one of one people bothered to enter, and the incessant laughter of your peers, and the poem(s) would be somehow incorporated into the usual runnings of Black History Month, a month in which we celebrate remember the oppression of black people throughout history. Now, whilst Hampstead is multicultural, and nobody particularly cares (because we're all people so it doesn't and shouldn't matter where we came from, so grow up), we thought we'd submit a poem from a Nigel Garage, which, whilst fulfilling the brief, perhaps isn't quite what the school are looking for:

New Building Diversity

This school is full of diggers

But you can’t call them that anymore

Lots and lots of dirty diggers

But you can’t call them that anymore

The site is covered in poles

But you can’t call them that anymore

There are chinks in the walls

But you can’t call them that anymore

The ground is full of slopes

But you can’t call them that anymore

The building will be nicely coloured

But you can’t call them that anymore

The kids are always smoking fags

But you can’t call them that anymore

The building work leaves lots of slag

But you can’t call them that anymore

‘This is a good school’

But you can’t call it that anymore.

DISCLAIMER: As always, this blog was set up to poke fun and criticise the school management, and so any materials in this article conform to that end. Anyone who finds any insinuation in the above article is a raging racist.