Tuesday, 22 September 2015

Please Save Hampstead Children's Education: gross oversimplification of the real world

PSCHE: to many a waste of time, to others a way of ensuring youngsters have the 'correct views'; an hour of wasted school time every week, abused for the sake of enforcing the views the SLT want to lure impressionable students into believing, such that they become what the Management consider an ideal student (an apathetic, inoffensive, bland, uniformly dressed, beige husk of a child, who will never push any matter, never be creative enough to do anything beyond what is asked of them, and flatline through school enough to achieve mediocrity in not only their grades, but their lives, such as have the Management) and thus a 'model citizen'.

In one such lesson, students were asked (in groups) to produce sections of essays on "The effects homework has on GCSEs". When, predictably, students applied a modicum of thought and stated that from their perspective 'home learning', as is now the propagated PC term, did not help them in their GCSEs, they were severely reprimanded and sent to the rusty Soviet first-aid-kit for lobotomies, courtesy of the NorfWeezy Health Service. The lesson ultimately failed in its objective of vindicating a pre-established belief held by the school by making students prove it to themselves via introspection, and of teaching people to write good essays, as the poorly-assembled attempt at a curriculum did not account for the fact that people would never realistically be tasked to write just the introduction to an essay, or just "Main Paragraph 2", as well as the fact no example of a 'model essay' was provided. This is not a singular instance; the PSCHJFKQWERTYLGBT (or whatever they've decided to call it) is consistently poorly-planned and repetitive, without going into any depth or detail with each repetition of each of the arbitrary topics, as if they didn't want to do anything beyond what was asked of them (now, what does that sound like?).

From another equally valid perspective, PSCHE is also a sheer waste of time. With the school year on average having 39 weeks, after 5 years of drudgery, the average victim student of Hampstead School has 195 hours of their education snatched away, with very little other than the crescent-shaped scars from their lobotomies to show for it. 195 hours are (according to Sam Learning) enough time to move up 3.9 grades in all 5 of your A*-C GCSEs. Why should Year 11's, or members of any year for that matter, have time that could be used to learn something useful abused for the benefit of Mr. Szurgeonsketskowski's largely falsified appearance; after all, 'every minute is a learning minute'. And, on the point of the decapitated Head, another incident that stood out for me was when a poor child by the name of Abdi refused to refer to the years prior to 2006 as "B.C" was dragged outside and shot. To conceal the blood splatter, T.Dum quickly dipped into the school's budget, placing a vapid "Rights Respecting" mural on the rapidly crumbling wall. As I'm sure you can see from the incoherence of this article, the 'lesson' on writing essays did not help.

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