Wednesday, 2 December 2015

Dank Gardenia: Community Comprehensive Jostles for Place in Local Weed Market

The stressed teacher - a common sight - is to be a "thing of the past", promised the decapitated Head in a landmark speech today. 

Plans for subsidised kush proliferations were unveiled late last week, all provided under the guise of a "Gardening Club" to be lead by Biology teacher Mary Jane, after last year's Ecology Club was shut down by police for child labour. According to the new plans, every classroom will have its own 'sacred herb' box, whilst the bikesheds are to be converted into greenhouses. It was also announced after the bin-burning incident last month that new fire assembly points will be made available for people who have "got blazed".

Despite the School Council's left wing said to be in "disarray" recently, critics were quick to point out that there were constraints on the placement of the Gardening Club, Sylvia Ryver-Raine commenting that there was "literally no space to do anything with the New Building still under construction." Snoopdogskowski was quick to respond to their concerns with szpecial Weedlaced© cookies, which diffused tensions. Opposition leader and avid herb sampler Abdi Corbyn also responded that, whilst one of the Head's better ideas, it could be a ploy to increase CaterLink's already falling profits. The management, along with CaterLink boss Sam Anella have denied this claim, even in light of a brand new Caterlink Munchies Service launched last week.

The Engrish department quickly secured a contract under which money originally intended for buying textbooks would be spent on bongs, to accommodate for "extreme class sizes" among a "plethora of equally valid reasons". The Philosophy and Creative Writing departments have also already placed bulk orders.

Gardening Club runs every Monday and Thursday until 4:20.

No comments:

Post a Comment