- Ban all pupils from entering the library at all times.
- Actually, nobody is allowed to enter the library, ever.
- In fact, lock the doors.
- Soundproof the walls.
- Hermetically seal the room.
- Then suck out all the air so the room is one big vacuum.
- Fit the librarians with space suits so they can, you know, breath.
- Invent a device that neutralises the effect of gravity, so nothing can ever be dropped on the floor.
- Staple all the books to the shelves so they don’t float away.
- Send email notification that this will be the case from now to eternity.
- That’s it.
In the Library no one can hear you scream.
DISCLAIMER: This is obviously a spoof, the real suggestions were far less rational.