Tuesday, 8 March 2016

Leaked Minutes from School Council #8

Item 1: The Colour of the Scaffolding
Minutes: It was noted that the colour of the Scaffolding tarpaulin on the new development was ‘overly white’ and ‘did not reflect the multicultural, multi-ethnic and diverse nature of the school'.
Action taken: The same policy for shoes to be applied; students will ‘black up’ the scaffolding until it is suitably politically correct. Funds for the paint will be diverted from the Textbooks and Air budget as they are deemed ‘non-essential’.

Item 2: Political Leaning
Minutes: One councillor raised the concern that the design of the new building did not reflect the traditional political views and values of the school.
Action taken: Upon completion, the right wing of the New Building will be demolished. Only the left wing will remain.

Item 3: Expansion of the Garden Project
Minutes: It was proposed that, in an effort to make the school look nicer and greener in time for the Ofsted inspection whilst the building work is going on, the garden project should be expanded. All current cabinets, draws and cupboards, regardless of whether they are being used or not, should be converted into slowly rotting pot plants. In fact, all classroom floors should be covered in top soil and turned into cabbage patches. Children will have to hover if they want to learn.
Action taken: Approved by SLT

Item 4: The school’s accounts to be made public
Minutes: Following a series of requests, it was suggested the school may become a fully transparent public body.
Action taken: Silence, followed by a single gunshot.

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