Note: This article was originally intended for publication in Neu Scientist. After it's rejection, we at the Trash picked it up acknowledging that there is an inherent risk that any authority is corrupt.
[GENERIC AFRICAN ACCENT]
I could not help but being deeply offended by Newton's absurdly sensationalist Universal Law of Gravitation. It is common knowledge that if you have a pen, or a pencil and you suspend him the air, when you release him, he will fall to the earth. This is because all objects that are made from the earth possess a natural desire to return to the ground. Now let us say you boil a pot of tea. There will be some small smokes, and they will wish to rise, rejoining the clouds.
As we learnt (with the assistance of our loyal mascot Kevin the Pervy Aye-aye) in primary one, if you take an tissue and put it in the path of some tea smokes, the tissue will swallow the smokes. Using our newfounded understanding, this will produce a hybrid material that will be pulled both towards the heavens and to the mud below. This chimaera tissues, when suspend in the air, will neither rise nor sink. It will simply hover. Notice how this is an easily re-creatable experiment, not relying on newfangled "mat-ematics".
I hope this was most diseducational and until the next coup, we shall meeting repeat.