Tinker Tailor Szmelly Spy

You may have pondered the lack of late detentions yesterday, maybe with the optimistic thought that Jolly Jacques may have finally understood the pointlessness of registration. In this thought you would be sorely mistaken.

Think back further. It may be difficult, even upsetting at first, but two days ago, 60 students filled two classrooms as half of their already ever-diminishing lunch break was eaten away. Naturally, such a high proportion of late students, reported to have been caused by public transport problems, would have unpleasant effects of this week's attendance records; these effects being particularly unsavoury to the spoilt tongues of the bureaucratically-minded SLT, whose desires lie more in the realms of tucked in shirts, 'wavey wednesdays' at the Ecology Club and concealed hatred in the delivery of 'good' education.

Such is their zealous investment in appearances, they have take it upon themselves to tinker with the attendance tables, 'creativity' being the name of the game.