Thursday, 6 October 2016

Giant Plague Flea is Newest 'Pupil' at Hampstead School

A giant plague flea is the latest addition to Hampstead, taking the place of the traditional pet tadpole in a bottle of Boost.

Giant plague-infected flea Pt. Er Hooke, fondly referred to by students as "Hooky", feeds almost exclusively off the oxygen-rich blood of Year 7s. Language Dept. teachers have confirmed that its increasingly frantic screeches are a call for larger and larger portions of Sam's born, Sam's bred pidgeon-based-chicken-substitute, widely believed to sustain the repair of the flea's thick exoskeleton.

Originally designed by various flippant IT students on Photoszhop, the "flea project" was eagerly adopted by new-spec Biology teachers, who "appreciated the opportunity to demonstrate conceptual biosynthesis in the real world".

Shortly before falling into Hampstead's brand-new Flea Birthing Pool, Abdi claimed to have witnessed a SLuT rapturously disrobing before "zooting up" as Hampstead's soon-to-be-world-famous giant plague flea. We are unable to verify Abdi's claim, but request that anybody with any relevant information speaks to their local representative of the Church of The Giant Plague Flea.

The Head, although unavailable for comment, reportedly described the bloody trail of corpses left by the flea as "a shining example of progress", adding that "most other school's couldn't do this".

DISCLAIMER: This article is, contrary to the overwhelming deluge of scientific facts cited, a spoof.

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