Critics have referred to Hubbard's work as "mad writings", calling galactic warlord Xenu a "fruity linguistic fabrication". Many stated, however, that they had no real problem with their children being continuously and often permanently indoctrinated, so long as it was indoctrination of the (alt)-right kind.
One student's diary, recovered from partial submersion in the 3rd floor bog by brave Trash forces, read "I have become increasingly enchanted by Scientologist ideology", and dangerously declared that "absolute control over religious fanatics is only dangerous when it isn't monetised". Perhaps owing to what the student described as the "terrifying ordeal" of an audit by the Church of Scientology, the student is reported to have expressed an irrational fear of telephones, which unconfirmed reports claim resemble the many pronged instruments of psychoanalysis often used in audits.
When asked how they'd make sure they didn't get in a bunch of
DISCLAIMER: This article is a spoof of an article that originally appeared in the London Evening Standard.