Students will be required to perform either a "service" role or to operate heavy machinery in Hampstead's deep-earth diamond mine. The diamond mine is expected to eventually compete with similarly operated diamond mines in Sierra Leone, the Democratic Republic of Congo, the Central African Republic and Liberia.
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In an official statement, issued via pigeon droppings on Cricklewood Broadway that spelt it out, Hampstead School noted that "there's nothing about diamond mining in the 'UN Rights of a Child'" and that "even if there was, we wouldn't really care".
DISCLAIMER: This article is a spoof - there hasn't been break time for a good 3 years.