Some Notable Events: Spring Term

A Night Celebrating Irish Song On the 14th March, Cricklewood Comprehensive held what felt like its billionth cultural evening: Irish Evening. This year we celebrated the rich singing and "drinking till your as s**tfaced as an old Irish man on a Thursday" tradition. Our atonal music students were going to play but the comprehensive put them down and hired a local ceilidh band instead, providing us with folk dance music to drink the night away. There was, inevitably as it is with the comprehensive, a sad ending to the night. Oliver Cromwell with his Republican Roundheads were having none of the Irish and their foolishness on Protestant English land, and decided to slaughter everyone for their  blasphemy.

International Leadership On the 12th February we were visited by 40 heads, hands and sphincters from Sector 56 of the Megabrantis Cluster. These leaders are on a "Headmasters for Dummies" programme with the University of Cricklewood and were yearning to hear about our growing "excellence journey".  Leaders of the Comprehensive's Senior Despots shared how their favourite methods of execution helped to keep civil order amongst Sixth Formers.  They also visited the underground sweat shops, where the school uniform is produced. The delegation of sphincters commented on the fascism of the institute, its commitment to exclusion and carnage and the s***tiness of our student death wardens. They are now keen to make a permanent link with Cricklewood Comprehensive.


Achievement for All (AFA) Cricklewood Comprehensive hosted many visits from other POW Camps looking to embark on the framework. As a result, we have been advised to go for ‘Death Camp’ status. This will include completion of a portfolio evidencing many aspects, including torture innovation and incarceration techniques and parental engagement. We will be the first school to gain accreditation. The Warden, Genghis Khan, spoke at the AFA regional conference in Norfolk. He shared a platform with Ed Gein who is heading up a campaign to raise the profile of the benefits of mental instability in schools. 
And last but not least: Cricklewood Comprehensive decided to catch up with the 21st Century and has aquired a "twatter account", for the latest updates follow @HampsteadTrash



As retold by SLUDGE from: goo.gl/sudMa

DISCLAIMER: This Hampstead Trash article has been written to critique the actions of the governing bodies of the school. This is so student readers can hear both sides of the argument, and formulate their own opinions on matters pertaining to their education.