Wednesday, 21 January 2015

Buzz Bashing - Autumn Term 2014

At the end of the last term, there came the latest edition of the Hampstead Buzz, and all the lovely treats that make my job that great deal easier. The whole point of Buzz Bashing should be to criticise fellow publications about the school (such as ETC. which comes pre-decimated), but there is very little constructive to say about this edition.

First, the Head's Message. He started off speaking about his 'learning walks', and how they are "the most important part" of his "daily routine", which says a lot about his 'daily routine', and how much he has to do of any importance. He goes on to say that he has the time to "spend an hour every day, visiting every classroom and seeing every student [...] always impressed by how engaged they are with their learning." Engaged until the point that he storms in and starts distracting people from their vital 'learning time' by bothering them about uniform, or just with his mere presence alone. Also, did no one notice the stupidly hideous typo in the last line: "cCassroom"?

What was also funny was the fact that the majority of the articles were written about the authors in the third person; people were writing about themselves as if they were other people. The Hampstead Trash isn't sure if this is an editorial feature, but The Hampstead Trash can see how this a bit pompous and self-adulation.

One article written in the third person is that about how Hampstead is a pioneer of non-Christian assemblies. Oh well done. We thought that would be the modus operandi of a secular school. According to the article, the school has belonged to a body that means they don't have to undertake assemblies that are "wholly or mainly of a broadly Christian character", which is shortened to the name "SACRE", which is missing a trick and a 'D' at the end.

There was another article, thankfully not written in the third person, about how Year 12&13 students were taken on a tour of the Houses of Parliament. They were told "This is what Democracy looks like, kids", before their mouths were duck-taped up again and they were slung back into Totalitarian Hampstead misery.

"Extreme reading" was also a topic of conversation, with the Buzz flaunting photos of teachers endangering themselves by reading books instead of looking what they were doing, for instance, landing a skateboard, or sitting in a desert (actually, that last one isn't too dangerous). Setting a great example there, Hampstead. Another attempt by the school to make reading more applicable to 'da yutes ov 2dai'. Here's a tip: why don't we make the books into pictures that we can watch and that tell the stories? Is that not a thing?

In other news, the Head was invited to an AfA conference, like everyone else who pays several thousand pounds for the privilege. HABZ had a thing to raise awareness of bullying (apparently, we didn't know it was happening. We're so aware). Hampstead students were taken to Facebook as part of 'Digital Leaders'. Facebook, of course, is blocked on the school system, is disallowed to under 13's (so Years 7, 8, and some Year 9's), as well as the school saying as part of its 'eSafety' to avoid websites such as Facebook... Yeah...

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